Pain, Meta-Cognition, and Searching for Messengers

Perspectives on Pain

Pain is a messenger.

Emotions are messengers sent by our minds and bodies to convey important information about our internal state, our needs and desires, and the world around us. This perspective on emotions has gained significant support from psychological theories and current literature, shedding light on the intricate role emotions play in our lives.

One prominent theory that underscores the idea of emotions as messengers is the James-Lange theory proposed by William James and Carl Lange in the late 19th century. This theory assumes that we don't cry because we are sad; we are sad because we cry. In other words, our emotional experience is a direct result of our physiological responses to stimuli. This theory implies that emotions are bodily reactions that serve as messages to our consciousness, providing cues about our experiences. For example, when we feel fear, our heart races, and our body tenses up. These physical reactions are the messengers that inform us about the threat or danger we perceive.

Another significant theory that supports the notion of emotions as messengers is the Cannon-Bard theory proposed by Walter Cannon and Philip Bard. This theory, developed in the early 20th century, suggests that emotions and physiological responses occur simultaneously and independently. According to this perspective, emotions and bodily reactions are distinct but coordinated responses to emotional stimuli. This view reinforces the idea that emotions carry information about our experiences and guide our actions.

Beyond of the realm of research, practices like CBT and mindfulness emphasize the need to acknowledge and understand our emotions before deciding how to respond to them effectively. This approach encourages individuals to treat their emotions as valuable sources of information rather than simply trying to suppress or avoid them (which actually contributes to intensified of pain, as we’ll get into).

Our anger signifies when a boundary has been crossed or a need is going unmet. Our sadness tells us that we are sensing loss, present or impending. Our anxiety motivates us to prepare, plan, manage, or fix something in our lives. Our curiosity motivates us to learn something new to expand our psychic or physical horizons. Our compassion reminds us of the importance of helping those around us.

Just as emotions are messengers so too is our pain —

And viewing something as unsettling as pain as the bearer of crucial information requires metacognition, or thinking about thinking. It allows us to reflect on and interpret our pain in a way that can transform it from a purely negative sensation into a teacher or messenger.

Metacognition in the context of pain involves two essential components: the awareness of pain and the cognitive appraisal of pain. Awareness? Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “I’m too aware of my pain!” Sure, your mental focus may be tethered to the physical sensations in your body; but fine-tuned awareness also requires an ability to move deeper into the pain and understand its various textures. In other words, we learn to piece together the complete picture of our experience and fill in the edges with our felt sense.

Tapping into the felt sense allows us tune into the nuances of our pain experience, including its intensity, location, and the specific triggers or patterns that exacerbate or alleviate it. Our pain, like our emotions, can be thought of as the language of our bodies.

Metacognition also involves the appraisal of pain, which is how we interpret and make sense of our experience; it’s an acknowledgment of the thoughts and emotions we’re attaching to our pain. You know, the stories we’re telling ourselves and the narratives we quickly get locked into. This appraisal process influences how our pain is perceived and managed. Negative interpretations, such as catastrophizing or believing that the pain is unbearable, can intensify suffering, while more constructive interpretations can transform pain into a valuable teacher.

When we patiently focus on the message in our mess, we:

Learn to understand our triggers and patterns. By paying close attention to when and why our pain occurs, we can gain insights into its underlying causes. For example, I have learned that my “flares” are exacerbated during times of emotional stress — and most pointedly when I burying the stress and avoiding emotional release practices. The heat from the pent-up emotions gets trapped in my body, and soon transforms into physical heat, inflammation, and swelling. When we learn to understand the patterns of our pain, we can make changes and develop new coping strategies to tend to ourselves.

Develop improved emotional regulation. I can’t always control my pain, but I can always control my response. I’m sure you have heard the quote, “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.” By separating from the emotional suffering, the physical suffering eases. I can detach myself from the fear, frustration, anxiety, and disappointment that arise when I’m in a season of chronic pain. Then, with daily emotional regulation techniques (which I nurture through practices like meditation, breath work, writing, and EFT), I actively separate my general okayness from my bodily sensations and transform the pain from an adversary into a teacher.

Deepen our self-compassion and empathy. No matter its intensity or frequency (or even its chronic, ongoing nature), our pain is never our sole identity. Developing genuine self-compassion is vital in reframing our pain and expanding our perspective. Instead of self-blame or harsh self-criticism, pain encourages us to treat ourselves with kindness and understanding. Our pain is an unavoidable aspect of the human experience, and not a reflection of personal failure.

Maybe this will resonate with you, maybe it won’t. I believe that I experience seasons of pain because my soul made an agreement when coming here. At my core, I know that I’m someone who deeply wants to feel it all. In the words of Andrea Marie, I want to feel the world. But I can’t do that — I can’t feel the world — if I’m not actively tasting, experiencing, and moving through the spectrum of life. If there was a hard copy somewhere, I’m sure that would be written into my contract.

So, when dips happen, I compassionately remind myself that I made the decision to take these on and I am therefore more than capable of moving through to the other side. I am then willing and able to understand my flares and explore whatever lessons they hold. This is how I find a sense of of peace and even easy power. Peace because I can accept discomfort when I’m willing to look for the deeper significance and meaning, and power because personal experience is the most intimate schooling. Our own pain provides us with a profound perspective of which systems need transformation, whether those are within our own families or on a global scale. 

Identify lessons and insights. I believe that two of the most important skills we can develop in our lives is perspective-taking and pattern recognition. Despite its intrusive nature, pain has the ability to teach us both lessons with astounding accuracy. Metacognition allows us to explore the potential lessons and insights our pain can offer, and in doing so we can extract valuable information about ourselves, our relationships, our roles, others in similar (or completely different) positions, and our world.

We all experience pain in our lives, but our relationships with the pain are undoubtedly unique. What is yours? Are you knee-deep in the mess, or are you searching for the messenger?